Online class, truly a demanding lover

 There’s no denying that 2020 has been such a bad year for everyone where a smile turns into a grimace and a relatively happy day turns sour. When you think that things could not get worse, it actually does. School, in particular, has become very taxing, and that the level of education that is “learnt” in a digital fashion is not up to par when you are inside a classroom, and I’m pretty sure most of us agree with that contention.

I miss having to be inside a university classroom where I can actually participate in education endeavours particularly when my teachers call for someone to recite or report a topic, where I am able to discuss with my friends about the topics in class or just to gossip, and whatnot. I also miss the school events, the long seminars, the wacky interactions with fellow classmates, the OG Political Science instructors and so much more.

What we thought was going to be a few weeks inside the comforts of our home was prolonged into months, very exhausting months in quarantine. With the fear of being infected and with no apparent vaccine in sight, that’s the only thing we do, unfortunately.

Anyways, going back to the subject of school. Online classes, in a sense, is a very demanding lover. Where it’s a relationship that requires a learning phase. Let’s put it this way, a relationship can be very daunting, right? It’s the same with digital lectures. The first few weeks, you’re definitely into it but there are instances where it feels awkward and intimidating, and while most think that it’s fine because you’re simply easing into it, it doesn’t remove the fact that it really takes a lot from you.

Online classes also demand constant attention. You want to appease it, so you get to work and finish the modules to make it happy. But then you’re burdened with low internet connection as well as the frequent mismanagement of your time because, if you’re like me, depression and anxiety is being exacerbated from long periods of time staying indoors, eyes stuck on a monitor. Digital classes definitely do not appreciate being put on the backburner, and they retaliate like a jilted lover would, giving you a grade (read: in a relationship, probably a slap to the face or something that angry couples do) that either makes you cry, cringe or both.

Well, enough of the relationship metaphors. All that I am saying here is that while online classes are a truly advantageous platform for education in the time of pandemic, as it is rather convenient for some people,  it is so much more stressful than coming inside a classroom and it’s not as convenient as it appears ── low internet connectivity, slow running gadgets and other technical difficulties. As far as I know, both teachers and students are physically, emotionally, and mentally drained from this whole crap-storm.

In order to distract myself from everything, of the events narrated in television of the ineptitude of the government towards the COVID-19 response and the utter idiocy of some people thinking that they’re highly educated social media experts, I go out and walk with my dog to feel a sense normalcy, buying junk food and colas to ease my stress levels.

I have also come to the appreciation of studying properly after how severely I flopped in certain subjects in the midterms last semester (read: I studied for 4 hours for Civil Law 1 and got 98/100, I spent about 3 hours in Criminal Law 1 to get 60/100. Earnestly doing this got me good grades in the finals.) And while I strived to do the same in the current term, my mental health couldn’t keep up. I just think that people need to understand that this is not easy and that you’re not exactly retaining the information that’s being shared when it comes to reading and writing it down on your own. Sure, people have different forms of learning, but it is so much better when person, particularly an instructor, is there to guide you in the learning process. Alas, they cannot be there because they too are having a hard time.

Overall, I think that the pandemic bought upon a lot of realization with certain things, for school and its transition to digital learning, it is a lot more tiring and that people are less privileged are definitely suffering so much more from it. Modular learning and whatnot are not all its cracked up to be, I sincerely want the high-ups in the Department of Education (DepEd) and Commission on Higher Education (CHED) to recognize that there should be an academic compromise. As for the social ills that are now obvious to everyone, civic participation is a thing and I hope they find it themselves to move away from archaic and false belief when it comes to good governance and social accountability of public servants (read: vote in the 2022 elections.) Lastly, people should be able to prioritize their own health in these trying times, it is not wrong take care of yourself and if buying clothes or food makes you feel a little better, you should. We all need some tender love and care to get us through.

Of Hardships and Dreams

Elamar “Ela” De Leon is a headstrong, compassionate, and intense individual, whose values and beliefs encompass who she is as a person, defined by the littlest traits, of the small nuances of a pen etching carefully crafted words in the book of her life. 

Bought on to the world in the second of November 1991 through loving parents, Mario De Leon and Edna Ojano, Ela was the youngest of her siblings. She grew up in a relatively kind household, a reminder of a bright childhood through warm hugs, gifts, and kisses.

However, reality is far from the fairy tale’s children are led to believe. 

In a random day, just like any other, Ela was accompanied by father, going on their way to her mother’s house for bath. She remembers it vividly, the soft a smile on her lips where his rough, calloused palms gently held her hand. It felt like eternity, a gentle reminiscent of childhood. 

His death, however, was something that engraved itself on her being. Something that felt like a piece of her soul was torn apart from her.

Ela was just five years old when her mother, in quiet whispers told her that Mario, her beloved father, had died, minutes after she was with him. Edna has held her close that day, narrating how the barrel of a gun was pressed coldly against her father’s temple, with an unknown man his reaper.

The scream of onlookers now becomes an echoing reminder of blood staining concrete; of how loudly their voices resonated within their chest, and how the expletives released from their mouths became an incessant noise of how her father perished in the neighboring barangay.

There were no named suspects, witnesses nor no leads. Motivations of the murder led to speculations of money problems. Its reality made manifest, where it is not completely free of pervasive despair and misery. It is a sad thought that Ela had to learn it early.

Life continued to move after that, but the grim truth slowly becoming a reoccurring thought in Ela’s mind.

The following year, her mother married once more, becoming pregnant with another daughter. One of her cousins narrated that other than the siblings she knew, there were more in her father’s side which, unfortunately, she had not met until that point of time.

The sands of time continue to trickle by, leading to an act of rebellion in Ela’s younger years. She was always left at home alone, where her mother and her new family found solace amongst themselves, seemingly leaving her behind. Ela has found a haven in her elder sister, another human that played a significant role in her life where she became a source of newfound strength. Despite having to study in Dagupan, four towns away from her, that older sibling often went home for the weekends. Unlike her mother who grew distant from her, never attending school gatherings nor celebrations like her graduation.

It is a sad reality, Ela muses to herself.

Low scores in tests resulted in being beaten black and blue. The simplest of mistakes led to her mother’s heavy hand on her young body, like forgetting to wash the dishes, the rice prepared was too wet, the baby bottle’s were not warmed up properly or the chicken feed was soaked in water. She tried to run, but to no avail. Ela did not have anywhere to go.

The members of her family grow weary and, somewhat afraid of her mother. 

Ela, in young fervors and often casual mistakes, has learned to drink liquor at the raw age of twelve, the same age where running away from her dysfunctional household became a norm. She met her first boyfriend and started smoking thereafter. A child living in an adult’s world.

Entering her teenage years, events of infidelity were put on the forefront where her stepfather was sleeping with another woman that led to his and Edna’s separation. Ela always seemed to know, to understand the nuances of lip stick stains and beautiful smelling perfumes, but seems like a drag to get involved in.

In her 2nd to 3rd year in secondary education, she was often accompanied by someone due to her stubborn and rebellious nature. She found it to be the last straw when she entered the last year of high school, Ela could only bring a small smirk on her lips when she realized her guardians have grown tired of telling her off.

Years later, an older self-came into view. No longer were baby fat evident in her flesh, the way she presented herself was now different. A course in her life was starting to take view. 

There were still conflicts present between her and her mother, where she wasn’t able to take pre-law due to Edna’s repeating words that Ela became too much to deal with. She ended up having to take two years of Human Resource Management in a local private university, which led, interestingly enough, made her more defiant. Often times, she would come into class drunk, the scent of cigarettes sticking onto her clothes hid only by perfume. Despite this, her grades were top notch, which is a feat in itself.

However, Ela was slowly marked as the black sheep of her family, an unwanted child.

She was found by her mother drinking liquor haplessly at some shady bar, calling a friend of Ela’s who tattled on where she could be. Ela found it hilarious, her mother thought differently.

Going back to the contention of being an HRM graduate, Edna wanted her daughter to apply as a data encoder in Bayambang, Pangasinan. It felt was though she was trying to get rid of Ela for good, and the small changes of not wanting her daughter to attend her own graduation felt like a nail in the coffin, where words of it’s a waste of money if Ela went. 

Ela knew that she was the best in bartending, and she felt like she needed to go. And so, she did without the knowledge of Edna. She walked alone, and she stood alone in the stage as she gathered her award. Ela could only laugh at her own teacher who wept when they knew of her situation and told her that if no one is going to walk her, they could have done so instead.

Despite her prior protests, Ela did work in Bayambang, earning the title of the top three faster encoder. She only worked for about three months, not being able to stomach the 12-hour shift where her eyesight grew blurry and that her mother could not be bothered to care about her wellbeing. She decided to go back, in Dagupan where she works in the law firm of her uncle while studying for commerce, leading up to eight years of work experience. 

He mother got caught in an accident, thereafter, leading to a different perspective in her life.

Ela ended up having to take care of her mother, who became bedridden for almost two year. She had to change her diapers, bathed her, just like she would a newborn baby. That was the moment where a brittle relationship renewed to a sharper steel, where they got better about the past.

She also had her somewhat serious relationship, where both she and her boyfriend stayed together in an intermittent relationship. After she caught him with a random woman from the beer houses, well, Ela immediately broke up with him. Having to believe that he is not worth the tears for since she has another person in mind.

For over twenty lovers or so, she finally met the person who could stand toe-to-toe with her, where she could proudly call him, her partner. They met on the 26th of June 2013, leading up to multiple drinking sessions and free-flowing conversations. In the 29th they became official and on the 2nd of July 2013, they finally lived together. They have reached the 7th year of their relationship, and despite the misunderstandings and childish banters, they moved past it, making their romantic connection stronger.  

He was Ela’s impulse control, the one who told her to stop smoking or to go out needlessly. What her guardians could not do, he did it easily. Ela knew that he was the one. The way he cares for her, his affections made her heart skip a beat. It felt like the perfect fit in a jigsaw puzzle. He was a parental figure, a best friend, a sibling, an enemy and a lover. Ela became a better person because of how he poured so much of himself to allow her to change, to chase her dreams in becoming a lawyer.

Needless to say, Elamar De Leon is on her way to create a legacy for herself. To build an image of social responsibility for the youths who experience the same hardships as she did. With the people she trusts and with a partner that will stand by her every step of the way.