Of Quarantine and Thoughts that came with It

Andy stared at the screen of laptop and thought to herself, “Is this all there is?”

The quarantine has not been doing her any favours, and she thinks that many would share the same sentiment as her. The girl feels like everything is a simulation where God is looking down at his creation, acting like it is another Sims 4 gameplay. Her character tends to do random to things on a whim like pacing back and forth in the four corners of her room to ruminating about driving a knife on her stomach.

As macabre that statement was, it is a laughable thing at the grand scheme of things.

“It’s a dystopian fantasy world where we’re all trying to speed run the apocalypse,” The girl mutters to herself, scrolling at her Facebook feed as the heavy tune of “Adrenalize” by In this Moment plays in the background. She lets out an exasperated sigh when news of the government screwing everyone over catches her eye, and a couple others trying make light of the situation, "The funny stuff doensn't change the fact that everything is in flames."

“They don’t care, you know.”

She chuckles at the sardonic tone of her younger sister, Viviane, “The oligarchs trying to ruin everyone because they want the people to cut their heads off.” The girl looks over the news feed again, laughing lowly at the “Eat the rich,” meme, “That’s the tea”

“Mom just got home from work.”

“Yeah?”

“There’s a lot a people out still.” Viviane says, not removing her gaze from her phone, “Life got harder ever since the enhanced quarantine. The privileged blame the poor for the spread of the virus but it’s not like they can do anything about it.”

Andy offers the other a wry smile, “The virus exposed the social disparity in its most basic form.” She brings her legs up to her knees, “And, it really brought out the ugly in some people,”

“You think it’s going to get better?”

“I hope so." Andy says but shrugs, "What do you expect from anyone in this hell of a year?"

The days move, a week turns into a month and Andy has found herself thinking of death a whole lot more. There's a sense of isolation, nagging at the back of her mind the longer she stays in the house. She thinks it's her depression talking, worsened by the prolonged days stuck home where random thoughts of self-harm manifests itself. Whatever it is, it just proves Andy's point that the quarantine can mess with a person's mental health.

She calls a lot of people lately, just to address the incessant noise in her head. “I’ve been thinking of harming myself lately.” Andy admits to her girlfriend, casually wiping away the dust and grime on her glasses. Her voice seems to be somewhat stuck on her throat, “I dreamt about cutting my wrists.”

There is the incessant static on Alex’s end, “Are you thinking about doing it?”

Andy contemplates about it. “No.” She says simply, “I don’t think so.”

“Then, you’re still fine.”

“If that’s how you want to look at it.”

Alex laughs, it carried a sad tone with it, “The long stay in the house can be really draining.”

“It is.”

She finally got out of the house, and sees that nothing really changed in the city she lived in.

People were bustling around the shopping district; shops open like there was not a pandemic. If it were not for the multitudes of them wearing face masks and the doctors and military around, Andy would have thought that nothing happened, that the Coronavirus did not happen.

“Pagod na ako.” She overhears one of them say, “Ikakamatay natin tong sakit na to, wala nga lang gamot, minsan wala disiplina ang tao.”

“Sino garud sisisihin natin? Ang hirap na magturo ng daliri.”

“Gobyerno? Tao? Yung mga instik?”

“Tangina talaga.”

The two laughed, but it is noticeable that they are tired.

Andy continues walking, their laughter fading in the noise of people walking down the streets, bags of grocery in tow. She ponders for a while and looks at the elderly woman who slowly trudges towards a fruit vendor, “Manang bakit nakalabas kayo? Bawal po yan.”

“Wala ako kasama sa bahay, ako lang.” She says, her voice somewhat hoarse, “Kung hindi ako bibili, edi sino?”

It is a sad thing. It really is. The woman gets reprimanded and Andy decides not to ogle.

She walks away, does not hear the rest of how the conversation went, but Andy has one thing that she mutters under her breath, “Tangina talaga.”